Hallmonsters.com

For all you music artists out there that put “bonus” tracks on your CDs, who the hell do you think you are?

Do you think you’re doing us a favor by putting the word “bonus” on some of the tracks on your albums? Are we supposed to think that we are getting a deal? Are we supposed to think we spent our hard earned money on just the tracks on the front end of the album, and the “bonus” tracks on the album were given to us for free out of the kindness of your hearts?

Hey. F%$# you!

Wipe the stupid word off your albums because that’s not how it works. This is how it works: make a good album or we’re not buying your crap anymore. Do you understand that? It’s a simple trade and nothing more. Take your “bonus” tracks and shove it.

Punchin' Lampshade says: "Oh, cool, a bonus post from Hallmonsters.com! You're so lucky to be reading this!"

Museums (specifically the Smithsonian):

Pro: They hold history and knowledge of great things.

Pro: They are mostly free.

Con: Small children or kids who just don’t care, standing in front of the displays (see “Parents, What Are You Thinking”).

Con: The food in the cafeteria is cafeteria grade, but costs a small fortune.

Metro:

Pro: Lots of convenient stops to get you near tourist destinations.

Pro: People dressed as dead presidents… It’s fun to see Abe Lincoln in the subway

Con: Teenagers and skateboards.

Con: Rush hour.

The biggest con of Washington D.C. is also the biggest pro, the politicians! Love them or hate them, they are necessary.

I recently spent a week on vacation in Washington D.C. and saw some things that made me wonder what the hell some parents are thinking.
First thing are families with infants and toddlers touring around D.C. It is not a cheap place, so why, WHY, in this economy would parents take a vacation that their children could not possibly enjoy.
Second thing are families with older kids and teenagers who clearly have no interest in history or gaining knowledge. Again, why would you choose D.C. as your vacation destination with kids like that? YOU ARE WASTING MONEY!
Third thing and worst of all, I saw kids standing in museums and monuments playing hand held video games. SERIOUSLY! Parents, where are you on this one????
If you have children that fall in to any of these 3 categories, please go somewhere else. Your kids do nothing but take up space and get in the way of people who are there to enjoy and learn.

Why is it better?

You get bigger seats, there is more leg room, there are only 2 seats to an isle, there is a pillow and a blanket in the seat waiting for you, and you get more free snacks and some free booze.

Why is it not a cool as you think?

All that seperates you from coach is a piece of cloth hanging behind the last seat in both aisles. If there is a crying baby you still hear them clearly. There should be a wall!

Punchin' Pear says: "Complaining about First Class will not make you any new friends."

Ok don’t get me wrong, I love dogs! Someday I hope to have a couple. However, if you don’t have anything else to talk about but your dogs, you need to get a life!  No one wants to hear about your dogs and only your dogs every time you talk to them. I’ll bet those people that you go talk to about your dogs don’t ever call you or don’t come to your cubical to chat. I’ll be you have to go to them 100% of the time. Figure it out! For all the other kind of dog owners, you know the ones who probably don’t dress like there dogs. Thank you for not constantly talking about your dogs.

I just want to put it out there that it is my fault that I don’t make more money. I’m the one who didn’t try harder in high school. I’m the one who didn’t try at all in college and didn’t get a degree. I’m the one who has not been fighting for promotions in my current company and I’m the one who does not work more then 1 job.  Maybe if we all owned up to this we would be a little happier and money would not be so important.

For those of you that say Alka-Seltzer tastes like 7-Up, enough already! Let me make this very clear; Alka-Seltzer does not taste like 7-Up! Where are you getting this information from? Just because it looks clear and has a lot of bubbles in it does not automatically mean it tastes like 7-Up because 7-Up looks clear and has a lot of bubbles in it. The two taste nothing alike.

Seriously, how can you draw this comparison? If you think you’re so damn smart, how about you try blind-folding someone and give them a glass of Alka-Seltzer and tell them it’s 7-Up and see if they don’t spit it out all over your living room floor? Or why don’t you try mixing Seagram’s 7 with Alka-Seltzer instead of 7-Up and give it to a friend at a party and see if they don’t dump the glass on your head for being a moron.

Do you know what Alka-Seltzer really tastes like? It tastes like Alka-Seltzer, you ass!

Winkey sez: "OMG U HAV A COLD ??try alkasesir it taysts liek 7up!!!1"

For my first wine post, I would like to talk about my experience at the wine fest in Jefferson, WI. If you’re not familiar with that area, it is what most society would call “country”. So imagine, if you will, 100 or so country folk and a dozen or so “true” wine enthusiasts at a wine tasting event. Now picture this in a blocked off area no bigger than a 16’x 20’ living room. It was a cattle call. By the time I left, I could not move without bumping into someone. That’s not my idea of a nice, sophisticated wine tasting! Thank God there were so many wineries to try. By the time I left, I didn’t much care that I had to squeeze my way out of the pen. I had polished off a good ½ bottle of wine, one taste at a time. So, if you are going to one of these country wine fests, or almost any winery in WI, I have 2 pieces of advice; get there early and taste it all.

Other people…..suck. Why do other people have to suck and be around me? They are everywhere; work, the grocery store, the gym, the lane next to me on the freeway, Iowa, the entire east side of Milwaukee… every where. Why has nothing ever been done about this?? Why isn’t there a rehabilitation center for these people to go to? I just don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to hold in my feelings when I am faced with people who suck. If you are one of these people, please seek help before it is too late. If you are unsure if you are one of these people seek help anyways. Everyone needs a little help now and then.

Hallmonsters.com has a “new” “poster” named Neighbor Girl. The only thing is, she isn’t that new, and she doesn’t post. Her poster avatar looks like this:

Since her account was created about a month ago, her post count remains at zero. So what’s the big deal, you might ask? Well, it’s not that big of a deal, besides the fact that she promised Tiny Tim she would post and because she hasn’t, Christmas is now ruined and Tiny Tim is dead. Good going, Neighbor Girl!

Tiny Tim says: "Christmas is ruined! Braiiiiiins!"